Not just because divorce is a more destructive force on wealth than volatile investment markets but also because a couple working together, can achieve so much more than if they’re always at war together.
So ladies, here are some observations from watching couples for 14 years by sitting opposite them as a financial counsellor.
When it comes to relationship management, emotions and family, most men believe that you girls are the ones that are attuned to whatever is happening. Or at least we hope you are because we will readily admit to anyone that will listen that we don’t have a freakin’ clue about what is happening with you.
Sure, men of today, read more books about relationships, are more prepared to go to relationship seminars, and are generally more agreeable to spending the weekend with their girl instead of their mates. I even know one guy that let his future bride book their wedding on Grand Final weekend. A cause for instant dismissal from the ‘bro’ club in times of old and still even a little testy today
So, why then, do you wait until the relationship is bouncing against the rocks of life do you decide to take advantage of these things.
A guy’s love for his mate, ebbs and flows like the tide. One minute he can’t wait to get home to you, and will happily walk out on his mates to get home to you and others he’ll find any excuse to be with them, even if it’s only to get away from you.
From my experiences though, a woman is constantly in love with her man, sure there are times she wonders why she hasn’t throttled him while he sleeps but her love is true and constant, unless it’s been allowed to wane. Sort of like allowing the tide to go out slowly.
We don’t understand why you go through what you do, but we do understand that you’re better at relationships than us. So, why not use our ebb and flow to YOUR advantage. I’ve seen some women absolutely destroy their men and I just don’t understand why you do it.
I’ve even had a female client tell her husband that their marriage was over unless they used the strategy I’d recommended, while their 5 year old son was in the room. Talk about emasculation. I was horrified.
Every man ebbs and flows in different ways, the key is to look for your mans signals and reward him rather than punish him. Yes, we’re like children in that regard. We crave adoring attention. So, why not use it to your advantage.
This is easier than it sounds.
If your man comes home with flowers, clearly he is in flow and heading your way. So drop your guard and let him in. sarcastically, asking him what he’s done wrong, will not be deemed cutely amusing as you think but will remind him that keeping you happy is as likely as making his mother satisfied with the wife he took.
Congratulations, he may not let you see it. but you’ve just wounded his ego and sent him back into ebb.
Worse, if you’ve got sons who see your response, they learn that buying flowers for their future woman brings not rewards, but derision.
A man that contributes to cleaning the home or making the bed or cooking the dinner doesn’t do so because of your PC view that now you have your own careers we need to balance it with our contribution to home management. We do it because we’re feeling love for you and want you to see the effort we’ll go to for you.
Why does a man do more work around the home when you’re there than when you’re not. No, it’s not because you nag him to do so. It’s because he wants you to see him do it.
Treating that contribution like your God given right has consequences. Reward the little things and the big things will naturally follow.
If you want your man to attend a relationship building seminar, don’t wait until your relationship is on the rocks and you want to put a band aid on it. Plan to attend at least one every year, wait until he’s in flow and let him know in advance…..lots of advance.
If you spring it on us the week it’s happening, you’re likely to get a response you don’t want. He’s probably already got things in mind he wants to do this weekend.
Seriously, if he’s coming forward, be proactive about moving your relationship forward with him. It wouldn’t hurt to tell him to have some time with the boys the weekend following the event. His mates are going to tease him about it, it’s what we do but we all know the stats on relationships, they’ll be silently and staunchly proud that he made the effort for you. And he’ll probably share some stuff with them that he learnt.
Someone will give a man like that the adoring attention he needs, if not you then who?
That friend of yours who always seems a little too friendly with him when she greets you both?