My Wedding Ring. I’m Naked Without It.


www.rodneybukuya.com

My beautiful bride

If you had told me, even as recently as six months ago, that I would be as lost as a rudderless ship without my wedding ring. I would have told you that you’d flipped the switch and gone barking mad. My beautiful wife, Ana, would have agreed with me.

And then something crazy happened. I actually had to take my ring off the other day for some reason and went to work without it.

What a day of nightmares. It was terrible. Not on the work front, that was an incredibly productive day with lots of work done for clients and had found a couple of new ones at the same time.

But I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was wrong. I didn’t feel like my normal self and it wasn’t until lunch time that I realised that I was playing with my ring finger. A lot. An empty ring finger.

I’ve often heard men comment that their wife would be upset if they found out they had lost their ring and even heard a couple of stories of men who’ve gone and bought new ones so she wouldn’t find out.

What I now know, is that behind all that ‘ball and chain’ type posturing about nagging wives and loss of independence. We men need our women as much as we need oxygen.

Common mythology suggests that men have only a need for sex and food from our women and I want to put that lie to rest. I’ve always loved my woman but never before have I realised how much attachment a man could get from a symbol as simple as a small band of gold.

My ring screams to the world. I’m a married man. I am the lover of just one woman. I will be hers until the day I die. I am her guardian and protector. I will kill any who threaten her safety. I sleep soundly, only because I know she is safe here in my arms.

Men who state that marriage is only a piece of paper will never understand this. I know, I used to be one of them. I also now understand why some men feel compelled to tattoo themselves with their lovers name.

I also now understand why the Gay Marriage debate is so important. No-one should be denied this feeling. No-one.

21 thoughts on “My Wedding Ring. I’m Naked Without It.

  1. Maureen

    I couldn’t agree with you more. My husband feels the same way. He’s lost some weight and sometimes his ring falls off and he’s beside himself. I think it’s sweet. 🙂

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    1. rodneybukuya Post author

      Congrats to your man for getting fitter Maureen. Congrats to you both for your relationship. There’s a lot of work that goes into making a marriage work.

      Maybe the world would be a better place if we talked about intimacy more and sex less.

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    1. rodneybukuya Post author

      Hi Roni,

      You think I’m Moushy. I’m the proud brother of 3 brothers who are all far more brave in their sensitivity than I could ever hope to be.

      I’m the proud son of a man who was the softest hard man you could ever find. He taught me how to be vulnerable, he taught me how to cry like a real man should and he taught me to always be ready with a shoulder for someone else to cry on.

      I’m also very proud to be the man that some of my mates turn to when they need a hug. It’s a humbling thing when you hug another man and you feel his tension disappear as he feels the love of a brother.

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  2. Veronica (Roni)

    Ask most women how attractive, & humbling, it is to see a sensitive man, a man strong enough to stand in his own power….to be real! Thankyou, seriously, for owning & honouring your position on this. And what a fabulous platform for this topic….xx

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    1. rodneybukuya Post author

      Avec Plaisir, It is equally attractive to a man, when a woman stands in her own power. The greatest thing my wife ever did for me was to stay home for 3 years and raise our girls. There were plenty of times that we desperately needed a second income and would have been in a better financial position today if she had returned to work. But our amazing young ladies would be a completely different pair of people. We struggled, she raised our girls and allowed me to continue fighting on my own. As she knew I needed to do. I am a better man for that struggle and our marriage far stronger.

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  3. Sharon Tregoning

    My favourite part… “I am the lover of just one woman. I will be hers until the day I die. I am her guardian and protector. I will kill any who threaten her safety. I sleep soundly, only because I know she is safe here in my arms.”

    I am blessed as I know my man shares those sentiments. Your wife is blessed to have a real man who is not afraid to show how much of a real man he is.

    Thank you for starting to show the way to others xxx

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  4. @KrishnaEverson

    Lovely post. I wonder what we are doing wrong? My husband lost his a few years ago, and mine was cut off a swollen finger in the hospital emergency room after having a fight with the vaccuum cleaner (literally). Neither of us are wearing our wedding rings. I wear an amber ring Deane gave me for my 40th birthday instead. Big blessings to you for helping us to revisit simple, but important things Rodney xx

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    1. rodneybukuya Post author

      Someone once told me that marriage is about owning things and she wasn’t an asset to be owned. I on the other hand feel very lucky to be counted as a valuable addition to someones life.

      Our rings are a subtle and gentle reminder of that value.

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  5. Rochelle Stone

    Such a beautiful post. My beautiful man proudly wears his fathers wedding ring as though it is part of his skin.

    I look forward to the day that he and I can exchange rings to express the love, dedication and friendship that we have with each other.

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  6. Kama Frankling (@GracefulNatural)

    Gorgeous post Rodney. I have to say after my divorce I had the opposite and couldn’t bear wearing a ring for years. I have also pushed away the idea of marriage, been there done that kind of syndrome, but you know what? You have got my mind thinking that maybe I am missing something?

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    1. rodneybukuya Post author

      I can understand why someone would swear off getting married again after a divorce. my problem is that I believe that if you love someone enough to take them into your heart and share a life with you then you should jump in boots and all.

      when we were still courting Ana asked me how I feel about her keeping her surname. I was honest. I wouldn’t marry a woman who wasn’t in for the whole package.

      my independence was important to me, I wasn’t about to give that up for someone that wouldn’t share my name.

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    1. rodneybukuya Post author

      I’m glad you found value in my post Kylie. I cannot believe that a country that has strongly upheld beliefs about human rights and equality that we would choose to deny such an opportunity to anyone who so chooses to make this commitment.

      Everyone deserves the right to choose his or her own life partner and be recognised for that publicly.

      Happy Sunday

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