Ladies. Kick Our Butts Out The Door, Please!


www.rodneybukuya.com

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You don’t have to be familiar with the work of Mark Gungor, to know that mens brains and womens brains are very different. You’ll know that just by walking around on the same planet for more than a day.

If you have seen any of Marks Videos you’ll know that while everything in a womans brain is connected and anchored in place by emotion. Mens brains are very different. Mark explains that mens brains have a system of boxes. And in each of these boxes we keep all the issues that relate to our lives.

We have separate boxes for everything, We have a box:

  • For you
  • For the kids
  • For our careers
  • For our dreams
  • We even have a separate box for your mother. Sometimes we’d like if that one was a padded cell but so long as she stays out of the way, we’re ok.

Of all the boxes we have in our life, the most important to us men is a nice little safe space we all escape to called the nothing box. It’s where we go to hide and think. There’s nothing in there. It’s where we are when you ask what we’re thinking about and we answer with “Nothing”!

One of the problems with our nothing box in my opinion is that it can become a double edged sword. While we need nothing space to help us understand the issues and events that consume our lives, we tend to fill nothing time with actual stuff that distracts us.

For instance, many men can spend their entire weekend watching and getting consumed by sport on payTV or playing video games. This they say is their escape but it’s not. These are focused activities that require some level of neural activity and concentration.

My theory is that sometimes you let us get away with this behavior because it allows you to go and spend time with your family or friends without the trouble of dragging us along. Afterall we’re probably going to whinge about it anyway. At least until the food arrives.

But you do neither of us any favours by allowing/supporting this behavior. The list of things that could wrong is almost endless. Our relationships fail, our dreams die, our passions get lost in the noise that is the relentless marketing machine and worst of all we wind up in an early grave, a shallow, empty soul of a man compared to the one we could have been.

It’s not your job to make us live our lives but you’d be doing us a massive favour by kicking our butts out the door occasionally. Throw a hissy fit and makes us take you out to do something that will feed both of us. Take us bushwalking, make us take you on a round of golf if that’s what your man is into. Make us take you to the park for a picnic and leave your phones at home.

Walk up to the X-Box and pull it out of the wall if you have to. Show us that you’re not going to let us sit around and wallow. Drag our hungover butts to the beach at 6am on a Sunday morning and make us walk with you. Even if you have to drive.

It’s not your job to make us live our lives but you’ll end up with a happier man and that is something you both deserve.

13 thoughts on “Ladies. Kick Our Butts Out The Door, Please!

  1. Pauline

    Hmmmmm. I’m going to throw the cat into this one by saying that if my man wanted a mummy, he should have stayed at home. I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m not sure that allowing men to shirk responsibility for even thinking is the way.

    I need to think on this a bit more.

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  2. Kama Frankling (@GNConfidence)

    I want my man to be responsible for himself. I like to have an adult to adult relationship. A parent (me) to child (him if he does as you have mentioned above) will not work out in the long run. We need to be on a somewhat equal footing. Of course if I were in that situation, and because communication is important, I would communicate that our relationship is becoming stagnant and I would like to change that. It would then be his choice if he agreed or not.

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    1. rodneybukuya Post author

      Kama and Pauline, I completely agree with both of you. The shame of it though is that there are lots of men out there who want a new mummy in their lives. And given the amount of men that do spend their weekends planted in front of some for of entertainment device, I’d suggest there must be an equal amount of ladies prepared to let them get away with it. I know that the sort of people who usually ready my blog are higher thinkers than that but perhaps you know someone that is in a parental relationship with their spouse and may benefit from having a read.

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  3. Jenni @ Embrace Ordinary

    I had one of those men, his nothing box was on elastic, he many have come out of the box holding onto my skirt however he always went back in. For 4 years i weighed up and worked on the relationship hoping he would learn to walk and stand strong. It never happened. I left, he replaced me within 3 months. When that relationship failed he had moved on to another lady within 2 months. They got married and she sadly passed away 6 weeks ago. He rang to tell the kids last night he has a new girlfriend.
    NO amount of kicking his butt would have given him the message to stand up and take the lead in our relationship. I stepped up and stood strong on my own, i was not going to be his enabler any longer.
    If a gentle reminder of the world outside the nothing box works then he is a keeper if i see anything that remotely resembles a spineless jellyfish with a bungie cord attached i’m cutting that one loose quick smart!

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    1. rodneybukuya Post author

      Hi Jenni, Thanks for commenting.

      Your response has me asking a few questions which may apply to lots of couples.
      1 – Did you bring this man into your life at a time that you needed someone needy?
      2 – Did you end the relationship when he got too much? Or was it because, you outgrew him and no longer needed a needy person?

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  4. sharonaheartspaceinspired

    Interesting thread you have created with this one Rod!! Don’t know that I want to read the year without soap one…lol

    I have a different spin on this one…how about we all stop judging what is right for others & their relationships & just focus on our own. Is the scenario you wrote about right for me – not a snowflake’s chance in hades. However, if it works for both parties & the emphasis there is on BOTH, then what is the issue?

    As individuals, we all need to take responsibility for ourselves or we lose the right to whinge about our lives. If you’re not happy, then do something to change it – that’s why we have free will. You know the saying if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got!!

    Sharon xxx

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    1. rodneybukuya Post author

      Good Point. I do know lots of people in relationships like this and I often wonder what both partners are getting out of it?
      It’s not for me and I’m pretty sure my wife would never have married someone like the man i described. I like the fact that Jenni took exactly the action you describe, she couldn’t fix something she didn’t like so she got out once the relationship no longer served her.

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  5. Vanessa Bushell (@ConscSolutions)

    Great blog Rodney!!! I’ve just sent some time at a weekend retreat held once a year called the Joining which was all about awakening the masculine and feminine energies within us. It was beautiful!!! Some of the workshops there offered interesting practices for men and women to come into their masculine/feminine energies respectively. These workshops were based on David Deida’s work which is about re-polarizing sexual energies. In his work, he also talks about how the masculine easily falls into the distractions of beer and the TV that hold him back from embracing his masculine gifts that he could give to his woman and the world. He also talks about how the feminine can re-connect with her self in her emotion and that her expression of er emotion entices her man into his masculine.

    Let’s face it … it enhances our sex lives when we embrace our sexual polarities!!!

    Love your blog Rodney!
    Lots of love
    Vanessa

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