Most people who know me intimately know that I don’t like Christmas. Actually, to be fair I hate it with a passion.
It has nothing to do with my spiritual beliefs or my feelings about first world spending at this time of the year. The amount of money you spend on Christmas is completely your decision and if you have free title to your income, then go nuts and spend away.
It is none of my business how you spend your hard earned money and unlike many people in our society the first appearances of tinsel don’t provoke painful memories of a day filled with drunken violence as uncles fight between themselves or the time Uncle Jack hit Aunty June because the Turkey wasn’t ready in time though I have had these stories relayed to me in the past. If Christmas is about the kids, why do adults need to obliterate themselves at all?
The Five Love Languages
No, I hate Christmas because it violates my personal love languages.
If you’re unfamiliar with Gary Chapman’s book The Five Languages or you cant remember them, I highly recommend you do a self assessment at www.5lovelanguages.com or find it in the app store.
The Five Languages in which we share our love for our fellow man and in which we expect reciprocity are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
My Love Languages
My personal Love Language is Quality Time. I also have two secondary languages, Physical Touch and Acts of Service. I have a sprinkling of Words of Affirmation points and Zero, Zip, Zilch, Nada points in the Receiving Gifts category.
Oh, I also happen to be an introvert who finds associating in large noisy groups to be so draining that I can literally spend the whole next day in bed sleeping.
What this means, and I’m sure my friends and family will confirm for you, is that I love nothing more than to be settled into a couch with a dear friend and a bottle of wine. Private conversations and secrets shared. Fears and beliefs explored. Opportunities unravelled and re-packaged.
I’ve built my handful of close friendships, one intimate conversation at a time.
So what does all that have to do with Christmas?
Let’s cover this by exploring the two most obvious points from the conversation thus far.
Gifts – I hate receiving gifts. I know that people who like gifts don’t believe me when I say it but I also get a knowing nod when I relate my story to other non gift lovers. let’s explore some reasons why.
Firstly and most importantly, How can you presume to know what I want in my life without asking me? And if you truly do know what I want, surely, it would be more appreciated were you to ask if I actually want to receive it from you rather than obtaining it myself.
Secondly, Giving me a gift of something meaningless because you know we’re going to be in the same place at the same time insults both of us. And the less said about stocking fillers the better.
The worst thing about Christmas for an introverted Quality Time person, is not that you get to see your family. It’s that you get to see ALL of them. At the same time. All excited to see each other and if you’re as lucky as I am. ALL, very expressive and open with their love.
So while, I abhor The Christmas festival, I participate. Not because I want gifts, or want to party or eat lots of food but because I am one small part of a blended and extended family that has so much love for each other that I couldn’t bear the thought of not being enveloped in it.
Some people are not so lucky. I’ll just make sure I have plenty of me time to recover in the days afterwards.
And who knows, maybe one day Mariah Carey will come and share a bottle of wine with me. On our own. On the Couch 😉
What about you? Do you hate Christmas too?